Be kind to your kids, for one day you may need to live with them. And when that day comes, they may say “NO!” or put you in a nursing home. Just kidding! In all seriousness though, we do NEED to be kind to our children! They chose us as their parents, not we them as our children (remember that when you get old)! Anyways, there is a profound reason I say this.
You see, this morning Kenya was getting ready for school, like she does every morning. Except this morning she was giving her phone a little too much attention and when the 8 o’clock alarm went off to signal she needed to head to the bus stop she wasn’t ready. I grew a little frustrated because the routine is the same every morning, so there should have been no reason she wasn’t ready by 8 o’clock today. When I went in to her room to do a final check on her to make sure she had put on lotion (DO NOT LEAVE MY HOUSE ASHY, I MEAN IT), deodorant, chap stick on her lips, and that she had her shoes on, I found a surprise. SHE WASN’T READY (in my Kevin Hart voice), so I grew frustrated with her. In my frustration, I told her if she missed the bus, I was going to bust her tail and I meant it. WAYMENT! I just lied. I didn’t tell her that, I YELLED that at her and began to walk off.
When I turned to walk away with the sweetest most innocent voice she said “I’m sorry mom, but I had to pee” (with her bookbag on and house key around her neck). You see this was the sweetest sounding “I’m sorry mom” you could ever hear, because she said it with such sincerity. Anyone who KNOWS my child knows she is like her mother which means her emotions can run from one end of the spectrum to the other; she too can be moody and most mornings she is all out moody. But this morning she wasn’t moody at all, she was being her 10-year-old self, a kid. Sometimes when our children are so independent, we tend to take for granted that they really are still just children.
I continued to walk away thinking “if she misses the bus, who she thinks gonna take her to school?” It didn’t hit me until I placed my head back on my pillow (because I wanted to sleep in this morning) that I was a little harsh. By then all I heard was her calling out as she walked out the door to the bus “Bye mom, have a nice day, I love you!” I went to tell her the same thing back but it was too late, the door had already clicked shut and I could hear her keys jingle as she ran down four flights of stairs to the bus stop.
I began to get convicted and asked God to forgive me. After all kids are humans and they have feelings too. Too many times we take their feelings for granted or brush them by the wayside because they are children and well let’s tell the truth parents we really don’t care about their feelings “that” much. Especially if you are a parent who grew up in the era where kids were meant to be seen and not heard. Meaning you have no say and your feelings simply don’t matter, sit look cute, don’t say a word, or simply just go outside and play. Boy, does my kid like to go outside and play!
So, I immediately texted her and I said “Mommy is so sorry, I love you, have a wonderful day.” I watched as the blue bubble said delivered and I waited for it to say read and the time, but it didn’t say read nor the time, because she was out of data so it turned green and said was sent as a text message. I began to pray “Lord let me live to see her come home and her live to come home to me.” Just so I could apologize in person. Let me tell you honey, it was a lonnnnnnng wait from 8 something this morning until I heard that door slam shut and them little sized 2 feet running to greet me and her sister at 3:30 this afternoon.
You see moms, I am trying to turn a new leaf and channel my frustration another way. HECK! I’m trying not to get frustrated as much as possible with my children because I don’t know how long I have on earth with them and I don’t want their final memory of me to be that of frustration and anger towards them. In the midst of me turning this new leaf, I am also trying to let my children know by teaching them that YES you do have a voice and your feelings DO matter to mommy!
Soon as she hugged me she checked her phone because she was now in Wi-Fi and she said “Momma, what are you sorry for?” I said “because I told you I was going to bust your butt if you missed the bus and because mommy was mean” She said “no big deal mom, I still love you!” I was so relieved she made it home and I was able to apologize.
Kenya is pure joy to have as a child, she accepts me flaws and all. Daily she tells me she wants the best for me and that she loves me. She constantly kisses and hugs me. As her mother, I eat all of this up as I know one day she will become a teenager and she will not like me for the moment because that’s what teenagers do. I also eat it up because one day I will no longer be here in the flesh and I want her to look back on her childhood and say “my mother was good to me, she showed me love and affection, etc.”
So, parents, never take for granted the fact that your kids are kids and become too big or too grown to apologize. Don’t think you don’t owe them an apology because, truth is YOU DO! You owe them several apologies, for bringing them into a jacked-up world, for not teaching them with actions as you do with words. Let your actions match up with what you say, for it is in our actions that our children see the “Real” us. This parenting thing is a faith walk, a walk in Jurassic Park, it’s fun, scary, exciting, a learning experience as we go, etc. Most of all, it is very rewarding if you look at it with positivity and love. So, I encourage you to stop seeing your children as little, voiceless, burdens (at times), who should be seen and not heard (yes, I know not all parents see their children this way, but some of you do, I’ve heard you say it).
I don’t know about you other mamas, but I am raising ROYALTY, who will be SEEN and HEARD! They matter!
One apologetic mama!
♥ Glennda ♥