Sitting here today borderline in tears. Why? Because reality has set in, next week I will be returning to work. Now don’t get me wrong, I am thankful to have a job to return to, but it is rather hard to do so with joy. Especially when I have been home with both of my children for the past 12 weeks.
I sit here saddened by the fact that “what used to be the norm is now a luxury!” There was a time when women had children, they didn’t return to work/have to work for companies at all. They stayed home and raised their children, while the men went and made a living. But times have changed. The cost of living has gone up and wages have remained stagnant. Oh, how I long to live in Canada where I could get a year off to be home with my children.
I will miss the days of waking up to Kennedi’s hungry cry or her smiling face after her afternoon naps. I will miss the sound of the lock “clicking” and the door knob turning, followed by the door slamming shut! I will miss hearing Kenya’s little voice when she says “hi mom, how was your day today? Was Kennedi good for you? Can I feed her before I go outside?”
You see, we tend to take for granted that they will be this small for so long, but not so! What seemed like an eternity for both of my girls to be born, now seems like a second for them to grow older. It seems like just yesterday I was experiencing these very same emotions, however that was 10 years ago. Now here I am having to relive those very same feelings all over again. Only this time, I KNOW for sure Kennedi is my last natural baby. Perhaps, that’s why it feels like someone has ripped my heart from my chest.
Society has taken the norm and now deemed it a “luxury”! We have a lifetime to work, our children are only young ONCE! Don’t take for granted that they will be this small for a while. In the blink of an eye they will be all grown up! I want to raise my children with no regrets, I know that isn’t totally possible for I will always regret not doing something during this journey. Whether it be I didn’t hug or kiss them enough to I could’ve held them longer.
Motherhood is a journey I wouldn’t trade in for anything in this world. The “luxury” of not working would provide me a chance to experience many “firsts” in Kennedi and Kenya’s lives. For example, Kenya’s first day of middle school, that only comes once, and it will be happening this fall. I don’t want Kennedi’s first word to be said at daycare and I miss the excitement of it or her to take her first step and I am not there to witness it. But the way this world is set up, mama must go to work, outside of the house. At least until I can make it happen to work inside the house and not at the expense of my family!
I WILL one day have the luxury of working from home to be with my girls!
Working to Not Work!
♦ Glennda ♦