“Just let your heart break. Trust yourself enough to know that you will recover!” ~Iyanla Vanzant~
After a long night spent at the emergency room a while back, I just laid in bed the next day. I woke up from an afternoon nap and felt the need to be vulnerable to my love and I mean vulnerable in a way that I hadn’t been before. I hadn’t been this type of vulnerable to him out of fear of being hurt, ridiculed (not to say this is what he would do, but fear and shame made me believe he would) even when my heart knew that he wouldn’t; and he didn’t! Who likes hurting or exposing themselves? Not me! At least I didn’t, until after I witnessed how he listened to me and allowed me to break and cry from places I didn’t even know were hurt. At that moment I saw I could speak my truth and be vulnerable….more like naked in the most transparent way possible and not care what anyone thought.
Here I was laying next to him with tears in my eyes talking about things from my childhood and adulthood that I survived. These things began to come up because recently Kenya (my 11 year old daughter), had began displaying signs of dealing with “something” and not talking to her parents about it, which then reminded me of a time or two when I was her age dealing with unknown things with no one trustworthy enough or even present enough to talk to.
I began to think back to when I was her age and I had to deal with the pressures of life that a child should never have to deal with. Pressure of being separated from my parents. Pressure of being separated from my siblings, only to live amongst others who had their siblings present thus leaving me to feel like an outsider. The pressure of being ripped from home to home because no one truly cared enough to treat us as their own while my mother was incarcerated. Pressure of carrying a secret so huge that it should’ve busted my chest wide open, please believe your kids because all of these babies aren’t lying; they are dealing with pressure. The pressure of having to hide my most prized possessions as a youth so that they wouldn’t be snatched from my grasp to either be pawned or given to the “dope man” for someone’s next hit!PRESSURE!
I vowed on New Year’s Day, that I would continue speaking my truth; no matter the costs, because it is the only thing that will and has set me free.
Sis! No one will care for or about you, like you. So as a mother, woman, wife, friend, sister, aunt, individual, etc please SPEAK YOUR TRUTH and BE FREE!
Speaking your truth will ruffle feathers, cause ripples in relationships, cause parts of you to hurt, your heart to feel broken, etc. But I promise you as I promise myself, WE WILL RECOVER!
I am vowing to continue speaking my truth and trusting myself enough to know that I will recover. This is a must as I am a woman and mother before anything else and in no way do I intentionally want to damage my girls by not speaking my truth and healing myself!
Speaking your truth means you will no longer accept or settle for things that don’t make you happy, whole, or healthy; in your mind, body, and spirit.
Free your mind and the rest will follow!